Agony Aunts

Alana:

I can already tell Nuka is up to something. He has that glint in his eye when he pulls me aside.

(Nuka): “So here’s the deal. As much as I NEVER want to have to go back to the Kingdom ever again, I’ll admit that last mission got me thinking. It would be handy to have some up-to-date intel.”

“Oh Nuka, are you still annoyed you didn’t know about the Bain Ones?”

(Nuka): “You mean the BIGGEST BETRAYAL NEWS STORY OF THE LAST TWO DECADES? Yes. But look, it’s not just about gossip. Saying the wrong thing at Hallowraith could have got us arrested. And even if we never leave Sanctuary again, there’s always a chance some more of the King’s goons could show up. Even with Vee’s powers, I’m not sure how well we could play it.”

I try not to show any signs of discomfort. It’s not my secret to tell…

“You know what, you’re right! Anything that can increase our security and put less pressure on Vee, I’m all ears!”

(Nuka): “Perfect! Now, what I’m proposing is as follows. We use Dr Ra’s unlimited credit card to buy up as much advertising space as we can. I’m talking posters, Mhy Space, maybe even some holographic displays on the Main Hive. All promoting a ‘special’ service… counselling! It’s getting close to Nightmare Night. Family and friends get together to celebrate, secrets are spilled, fights break out. Basically, shit hits the fan. And what better place for people to pour their guts – and their information – out than to a kindly, non-judgemental stranger over the radio?”

“I don’t know Nuka, this feels… exploitative…”

(Nuka): “Look, what we’re offering is a free, confidential service that WON’T report people to the FB-HY if they get drunk and say Queen Nightwind is “kinda hot”. The people that ring us, what else are they gonna do? Pay 3.99 a minute to talk to some whack at Shady Side? Drown their sorrows in eggnog for the next two days? Just sit there feeling all alone with no one to talk to? You can give good advice, make ‘em feel better.”

“I guess it could be good to make some new Kingdom friends… But won’t they be suspicious talking to a female voice? They could connect it back to Hallowraith!”

(Nuka): “Already got that covered: voice modulators! Whoever’s on the phone will sound like some middle-aged hybrid schmuck with a deep, soothing voice.”

A chance to talk to the hybrids as if I’m one of their own? Learn more about them as people and their way of life? Help them feel some happiness in what I assume are their mostly joyless lives?

“Ok, you’ve sold it! I’m in!”

(Nuka): “That’s the spirit! You and Vee can draft up the adverts. In the meantime, I’m gonna invite someone else to come along. You know, for erm, support… In case you need a bathroom break…”

*He runs off to ask GABE if she wants to hear first-hand the HOTTEST KINGDOM GOSSIP of the year*

Gabriella:

I was shoving my face with a sandwich when Nuks comes running in asking if I wanted to hear the HOTTEST KINGDOM GOSSIP of the year.

*Stares at him awkwardly and swallows.*

"Ah ok?"

I tilt my head and smirk.

Must be good if it has him running to see me and all

Nuka:

I chuckle at her look of anticipation.

“Oh, I don’t have it yet. In fact, you’re gonna get it, if you’re up for giving some fake therapy to the kingdom’s movers and shakers?”

I fill her in on the details of the plan.

Gabriella:

I take another bite of my sandwich and squint at him while slowly chewing.

Oh I seeeee, Nuks is trying to get me to do something for him!

Suspicious.

"And who all is participating in this little hotline of yours again?"

I swallow, completely missing that part if he already said it.

Spending Christmas talking to some sad sap over the phone didn't sound really fun.

"Is there something in particular we are trying to get information about?"

I ask really hoping Nuks wasn't doing this out of complete boredom.

Nuka:

Gabe wants to know who else is coming.

“Don’t worry, this isn’t my suave way of asking you out on a date [not this holiday ]. Aly’s gonna be there too.”

She asks what kind of info we’re looking for.

“I don’t know how much you know about what went down Hallowraith. But there’s a strong chance that the King is looking for us now. Anything we can get that gives us an advantage, without posing too much of a risk, is a mission worth taking.”

Although, Gabe doesn’t seem as immediately into this as I thought she’d be…

“Look, if you don’t wanna go that’s cool. I got new friends now. Maybe I’ll just ask my good buddy Hesp along instead. He’s real polite, real good with people, I’m sure he’d be a natural.”

Gabriella:

I try not to snort at Nuka's response.

I wasn't thinking that before but now I definitely am!

Nuka explains why we were doing this and says Aly was coming along too.

I heard enough to want in on thus plan but unfortunately Nuka pulls out the big guns and low key threatens to replace me with one of his NEW BEST BUDS.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT OF COURSE I WANT TO COME!!!!"

I spew bread bits at him from talking with my mouth full.

Whoops

Nuka:

I was never gonna ask Hesp

He’s a nice guy and all, but we’ve only been in an alliance with his people for two months. I’d prefer to gather this intel on our own. Gives us something we can trade if the alliance stays strong; gives us an advantage if it doesn’t.

Also, I’m not sure Hesp is the gossiping type. He seems so… ‘goody goody’. We’ve already got one potential wet blanket with Aly, I don’t need two. Gabe I can rely on for the sass

At least Gabe’s reaction FINALLY matches the enthusiasm I was looking for. It’s worth the shower I will absolutely go and have after this conversation is over.

“Ok, ok, no need to beg me anymore, you’re in! We’ll be heading out in a few days. It’s too dangerous to broadcast directly from the planet, they could trace the signal back here. So pack an overnight bag.”

**Fitting with the theme of Nightmare Night, the Sanctuary crew will be headed to a cosy little place they’ve nicknamed Planet Deathtrap. You may have heard WHISPERS [hint hint] about it before! Thought to be one of the earliest planets Michael conducted experiments from. It was abandoned and left to rot long ago. Perhaps the neglect comes from reminders of failure, since Michael struggled to control the alien hybrids he created. No one else seems to know about it, but somehow Alana remembered the gate address as “a safe world”.

[Lowkey, it could be fun to write a thread sometime of the Sanctuary peeps exploring it for the first time! Maybe next Halloween since it would be spooky]

But before you worry Gabe, you have NOTHING to fear! The team will just be in orbit around the planet in a wraith transport ship, so there’s no risk of being mauled by a fog creature.**

Gabriella:

I pout at Nuka's response.

I wasn't begging, I was just sayin... ok maybe I was begging a little bit.

Trying to play it cool like I had something else going on or whatever.

"Cool, slumber party!"

I say in response to final instructions.

"What pajamas are you bringing?"

I giggle in a tease.

Nuka:

I walk away when the conversation gets GIRLY.

“Err my own. Go pester Aly about that sh-stuff. I’ve got MACHO things to focus on.”

*Goes back home to help Scottie learn how to bake muffins, to impress a certain lady *

Gabriella:

I pout when Nuka doesn't humor me.

"Fine! I'll let them be a surprise when YOU MODEL THEM LATER!"

A few villagers turn around taking what I said the wrong way.

*Shrugs before going to find Aly like Nuka suggested.*

Alana:

I stare intently at my latest project spread out across the table.

*Dozens of these:*



I’m pretty sure they’re almost ready to be used. Just a few tweaks here and there. But then the challenge is how do I get them out there?

Reign interrupts my musings to tell me Gabe is at my front door.

((Could you beam her up here, please? Oh, and do give her a warning this time!))

(Reign to Gabe): “Alana will see you in her lab.”

*Beams Gabe over transporter-style*

“Hi Gabe! What’s up?”  

Gabriella:

I look around the lab a bit disorientated at the beam up.

Never gunna get used to that..

"Nuka told me to go talk to you about "girly stuff".

I grin.

"Personally I think he was just trying to get rid of me."

I wander over to the table full of little bugs.

Awe.

"I heard you are joining us on the Christmas nightline."

I grin before looking at the bugs again.

"Watcha working on?"

Alana:

I laugh as Gabe mentions Nuka.

“Oh no, don’t tell me you tried to talk to him about your feeling?”

I’m sure he considers those ‘girly stuff’.

She brings up the Christmas mission.

“Oh, so you’re the other person Nuka wanted to invite! I don’t know about you, but I’m so excited! It’s going to be fascinating getting a peak into the Kingdom people’s worldviews! And I’m hoping we can actually help some of them too! With personal problems, I mean, not on how best to perform lobotomies.”

I do hope no one asks us questions like that…

“How about you?”

I grin when she asks about the bugs.

“I call them mothquitoes!  They look like moths, but once they land on a person, a mouth needle pops out. Just like the bugs in your homeworld swamps! In a similar manner, they can take a little bit of blood without the person feeling anything.”

I demonstrate, having one of them fly up onto my arm.

“There’s a few useful things we could do with that. Blood contains a lot of information about a person’s health and identity. Right now, it’s that last part that’s important to me. There’s a tiny chance that one of my wraith brothers could still be out there somewhere in the galaxy. I was able to get a DNA sample from a hairbrush in his old room. And all the bugs contain tech that compares the DNA of the blood sample to his DNA. If it’s not a match, then they self-sterilise and continue their search. But if it is ever a match, they can activate a subspace tracker [like what Todd had and Ronon when he was a runner].  It would let me know where he is, and that he’s alive.”

I put in a little leeway; given what we know of the King and his experiments, it’s possible Lastlight’s DNA might have been altered. But if it’s anything close to the original sample, the bug will activate.

“I know, it’s like trying to find a needle in a galaxy-sixed haystack. But it makes me feel like I’m still looking for him, you know, that I haven’t given up.”

Gabriella:

"Nooo I tried to talk to him about his pajamas."

I say with a smug little grin before Alana talks about what she looked forward to the most regarding our new project.

Eh talking to Kingdom peeps could go either way really. Maybe we get the dirty deets on all that is happening or maybe we just get... telephone sex.

*Shrugs.*

"I'm kinda excited to see who will call. I mean, what if we actually get to speak to one of the big hot shots? Learn all their dirty secrets straight from the horse's mouth."

My intentions were clearly less noble than Alana's.

Alana goes on to explain her mothquitoes and I wrinkle my nose a bit.

Eww.

But I suppose she had her reasons.

What a sad way to get in touch with the family though : /

I pause.

"Do you only have one lost brother? Or is this one just your favorite?"

I giggle before trying to pet one with my finger.

Alana would make an excellent stalker.

"Can you name this one Gabby?"

I ask pointing to my favorite one.

Alana:

“Ohhhh kay.”

Is all I can think to say when Gabe mentions Nuka’s pyjamas. I’m sure it made sense at the time…

Gabe speculates on who might call, maybe it will be some REALLY big people!

“What would you say if you got the actual King on the line?”

I’ve always been morbidly curious about what he was like. Even more so after Hallowraith, finding out that HE used to be a wraith.

Speaking of wraith, Gabe wants to know more about my brothers.

“This brother is special to me, but maybe not for the reason you think. When I got kidnapped by Atlantis, he was there too. I came home. He never did.”

I twirl my chair around a little away from Gabe, not wanting her to see my face.

“I honestly don’t remember a lot about him. I’ve heard stories, from Reign and my brothers. I know he cared for me, he even made me the first version of Shuggums! I’ve seen his face and heard his voice in recordings. But whenever I try to remember anything on my own, it’s all just so hazy. It’s the same for everyone who was gone by the time I got back: my parents, brothers, childhood allies. I was only 5 when I got taken. But this one bugs me more than all the others. Maybe because we never found a body, maybe because I was the last one to see him alive. There’s every chance that he’s long dead, and I can’t keep risking other people’s lives for a tiny possibility. But I also don’t want to give up on him, if there’s any possibility at all. So I guess this is my way of showing that he hasn’t been fully forgotten about.”

I wipe my eyes with my sleeve before turning back, glad to have something lighter to focus on.

“Absolutely we can call her Gabby! I know, we can have a Nuka and an Alana. And then all the others can be named after our Nightmare Night callers!”

For some reason, reminiscing has got me in a name game mood!

Gabriella:

Alana asks me a hard question.

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"I dunno."

*Shrugs.*

Alana goes on to tell me of her long lost brother and I could tell how things were left with him bothered her greatly.

Awe!

She seems happy to change the subject and so I let her.

"Cute!"

I stare at one mothquitoe for a moment with a devious look in my eye.

"You don't have smallish clothes do you? For let's say, a doll?"

]Alana:

Poor Gabe seems very overwhelmed at the idea of talking to the King. I can understand why, he took over her home world and I would presume killed many of her extended family and friends.

“If there are any calls you’d rather not take, you can always pass them on to me or Nuka! There’s nothing you need to worry about!”

I reassure her, before she asks me a rather strange question.

“I don’t believe so… but so many of the villagers are skilled at cloth-making and sewing, I’m sure it would be easy to acquire some!”

I wonder if she’s been inspired to make some little creations of her own? Perhaps wooden dolls for some of the small children? Or…

“Where are you up to in regard to dating? It’s been a little while since we caught up, hasn’t it? Has anyone special come into your life as of late?”

Gabriella:

I'm totally dressing Nuka's mothquitoe in pajamas.

I think to myself before finally tuning back into the conversation.

Huh?

"Uhm, no?"

I'm sure Vitani would tell me if she foresaw anything like THAT.

"You?"

I ask and scratch my head a little not sure how to respond.

"Any flings or.. ?"

I suppose there was that one guy that one time but that was awhile ago so yeah, nothing to report

Alana:

“Ah well, at least if you ever want to find someone, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

There really is on Sanctuary…

At least when it comes to humans. I tilt my head in surprise when Gabe asks about my own love life.

“Oh, you don’t know? I can’t, not for the moment. Not just because there aren’t any eligible wraith here, but ah…”

Gosh, how to explain?

“So, when I was kidnapped by the Lanteans, they gave me their own version of the Hoffan drug. Thanks to their experiments, it isn’t deadly to me, but it did make me a carrier. The drug is passed on via bodily fluids. Feeding on humans of course, but also… You know…”

I gesture with my hands  

“It would be a black widow situation. The same would also be true for any offspring, they’d die minutes after conception. But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom! We wraith live for a very long time, and one of my brothers had made a lot of progress in trying to cure the poison. Maybe one of these centuries it will happen!”

Hopefully before the rest of the wraith die out...

Gabriella:

Alana explains in more detail what happened to her in the ancient city and I look down a bit awkward.

"Sorry to hear that."

That really sucks.

"I suppose then you are only into wraith guys huh?"

That's unfortunate..

Alana:

“Thank you.”

I say in response to Gabe’s sympathies.

Then she asks if I’m only into wraith guys.

“Oh, well, I don’t think two Queens getting together would be very practical, would it? It’s not that it would be frowned upon – I know one of my brothers frequently engaged in same-sex coupling. But traditionally any Queen that you’re not related to is somewhat of a threat. Not to mention, we’re quite a rarity, especially in this day and age.”

I’m sure that answered her question!

“And yourself? Are you only into human guys?”

Gabriella:

I snort when Alana misunderstands me.

I choose to roll with it.

"No of course not."

I giggle.

That would be boring!

"There are so many different aliens out there, both guys and gals. Why not have fun with it?"

*Wiggles eyebrows at her.*

"You should try it, while waiting for your ideal mate that is."

I tease her.

Alana:

I look at Gabe wide-eyed when she mentions aliens in such a context!

“Do all humans share your preferences?”

Nuka was always very vehement that he had no interest in wraith Queens. But those Flax videos… They must have appealed to some in the Kingdom, to be so popular? And Nuka did say the Queens had partaken willingly.

Still, it is difficult to imagine any from my hive holding such views. Tiberius would surely call it bestiality. And I can’t picture any of my brothers wanting to mate with a human

“Now that would be frowned upon. Such fornications could lead to-”

Before I can say ‘half-breeds’, I think of Kylo. I don’t think she was all wraith, even if that was her father’s original species. But I never saw her as anything other than a sweet little girl.

And then there’s Scottie and Hesperus and Huck and Ra, all unnatural beings according to wraith teachings. Yet I’d meant what I’d told Ra, I didn’t see him as some freak of nature, none of them were. They were just people, like us. Although I guess I’d never even thought to consider them in that light, before Gabe’s suggestions. Had any of them ever thought of me in such a way? ;O

Talking to humans and aliens is never going to feel quite the same after this!

“Well, it’s certainly something to think about, a new way of seeing things!”

I return the favour by sharing with her what I was taught about such things.

“For wraith – at least, my hive’s traditions *AKA Tib’s views* – I don’t think it’s really about fun. Not that it can’t be, but the main purpose is to produce offspring. In fact, that’s supposed to be one of a Queen’s main duties. Males with no hope of becoming a Queen’s Consort may dabble together. And it is within a Queen’s rights to take other lovers besides her official Consort. Though such actions can often lead to unnecessary strife between crewmembers. Consorts, however, should know only their Queen. Even if she dismisses them from their position, it is most unlikely that another Queen would select them. Not when they typically have many virgins also vying for the role. For this reason, it can be considered presumptuous for a Queen to ask a male to share her company before marriage.”

Of course, Tiberius told me these things many years ago. And even back then we hadn’t been in contact with other wraith for quite some time. I do wonder if the war will have caused changes. Perhaps what few Queens are left have had to adapt to survive.

Gabriella:

"Uh, no?"

I frown confused at Alana's suggestion.

Not all of us think the same way!

Alana keeps herself from saying something RUDE.

*Blinks.*

What old crusty sap taught her sex ed?

I wasn't offended. I was just a little surprised she held on so tightly to some of her kind's values while completely disregarding others.

Owell.. to each their own.

I pick up a little bug-bot and analyze it closely while Alana explains her people's ways.

"I mean, I suppose that makes sense, for wraith."

How many of them are left anyways?

"Why aren't you on your hive? Do you have a hive?"